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Post by JESS on Jul 1, 2012 8:28:40 GMT -5
Hey guys. As you would have noticed, I've been AWOL the past few weeks. I was using the excuse of my dad limiting my internet usage because I was on it too much, and although it is partially true, that is not the real reason for my absence.
From my very first paragraph on an RPG, I was hooked. I loved to plot out my characters' lives and make new online friends. Sometimes coming up with ideas was more fun than the writing itself. Sometimes I would lie awake at night because ideas kept flowing, and I had to write it down before a good plot was forgotten. I was obsessed with making Tributes of Panem the best it could be.
My life has pretty much gone downhill from the moment I touched an RPG.
I don't have any friends any more. Even though we swore we'd stay close after graduation, we drifted. They started working, I continued roleplaying. They would try to talk to me and organize outings through Facebook, but I blew them off each time because I owed posts. My best friend moved hundreds of kilometres away, and I never got to say goodbye.
RPGs have sucked me into a virtual world and I put my real life on hold for three years. I am eighteen years old yet I'm emotionally fifteen. I've never had a job, I still haven't got my learners. There are a number of things that I still haven't done but I'm not going to go into the depressing details.
My health has suffered, too. I spent so much time on the computer that my vision deteriorated, and as much as I like to deny it, I probably need glasses now. I haven't played any sports since joining THRPG, so you can only imagine what's happened to my weight after that amount of time. I'm depressed all the time and sometimes I don't leave the house for weeks.
But worse than all that, I neglected my pets. My guinea pigs are the most important things in my life (after my family of course). Because of my obsession with my online life, I completely forgot about them. I was so fixated on my characters and plots that I didn't feed my guinea pigs, change their water or clean their cage as much as I should have.
Tonight, because of my negligence, my guinea pig Theo died from an easily preventable infection. He was only two and a half years old and he should have lived longer. I adopted him and another one of my boys from a former neighbour who never gave their guinea pigs the care they deserved. I took them in because I thought I could give them a better life. Everything was for nothing because in the end I'm just as bad as my neighbour.
These issues have accumulated over the past few years. I thought that everything would be fine eventually, but my guinea pig's death is the last straw. I'm not going to let another pet I care about die because of my obsession.
This is probably goodbye for now. I know I've made farewell posts before but this time I mean it. I need to stay away for a while so I can get my real life on track. It could be weeks, perhaps months before I can commit myself to roleplaying again. Of course I will sign in and check up on everybody but I can't post. Not when everything has gone down the crapper. The longer I deny and avoid my problems the worse it will get.
After a few weeks, I'll probably announce in the cbox that I'm back - I know myself, it's inevitable that I'll want to post again. I need you to promise me something; When I want to come back, you guys need to remind me of all the reasons why I'm leaving in the first place. Do not let me post. Do whatever you can to keep me out, no matter what I say.
I don't know where this leaves Tributes of Panem. I organized most aspects of the Games but Katie and the other staff are more than capable of the job, too. I feel selfish for dropping everything but I need to do this.
Wow, this post has become really morbid. Anyway, I need to go. Bye for now (:
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